Is your roommate bothering you? To the point where you’re contemplating moving home and commuting the 3 hours there and back every day? We’ve all been there, its human nature to have conflict when living in tight quarters with another person. Here’s ten tips to lose your roommate in 10 days or less:
Day 1 Leave dishes out, everywhere:
Moldy, smelly, sticky, greasy whatever ya got just leave them everywhere, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and if you’re really daring try their bedroom. Disgusting as it is it will drive anyone to the point of madness.
Day 2 Use their stuff:
Don’t even bother using your stuff, shampoo, food, computer, printers, phones, speakers, cars. Anything they have is now yours (within reason). Permission is a thing of the past, feel free to use whatever you want whenever you want.
Day 3 Don’t do the garbage:
Use the excuse that you have hypersomnia (heightened sense of smell), asking them to take care of your own garbage is also a great tool!
Day 4 Have Random loud phone calls at hours of the night:
Call anyone, talk to them about whatever, if you have a friend in a different time zone this is a handy trick to drive them insane. Make sure your door is wide open. For full effect I recommend making these phone calls around 10:30pm -11:30pm as they're trying to fall asleep.
Day 5 Have an unannounced party:
Invite your whole program over for a quick impromptu party. Have anyone and everyone show up, make sure your roommate has no idea it’s going on. The element of surprise here is critical. Keep it going till 6am, music, screaming, dancing, the whole 9 yards. Floor stomping if your roommate is in the basement is an added bonus.
Day 6 Become extremely messy:
This is a bit of a 2-parter: 1st grab all of the items in the kitchen leaving only a few random odds and ends, leaving them all in your locked bedroom. 2nd start random piles of stuff in random locations. Stack of previous assignments in the bathroom, used dryer sheets in the kitchen, empty take-out containers in the laundry room. Make it a confusing jumble of piles everywhere.
Day 7 Hog the bathroom:
This will have to be done on a weekend, or Monday for full effect. Go into the bathroom and don’t come out. All day. Make sure you have ample supplies of dehydrated food, water, any necessary medications, and your phone charger - and hope the Netflix account is in your name. Don’t budge. Stay in there the whole day.
Day 8 Move Out:
Today is the day, if your roommate hasn’t moved out by now you’re hopeless. Maybe you should be the one that moves out. Now if you are currently comfortable in your living conditions go backwards through the week doing the complete opposite of everything I have said.
Roommates can be the biggest pain in your side, but most of the time they’re your family away from family. Sure, there is going to be fights no doubt, just make sure you always communicate effectively and be mindful of their needs and expectations. If you're reading this and already do these things? Apologize now to your roommates.
Written by: Riley Chachulski - 2nd Sales and Marketing Student.